I always fall for someone telling me they can (pick one) cut, style, perm my hair and it will turn out soooooooo cute. I proceed with whatever advice/suggestion given to me. That person (Danielle) then does my hair super freaking cute... I love it... then I get home....go to bed.... wake up.... shower, then disaster.
I will never, never, never, never, never do my hair right!!!! No matter how cute she says it can be done (and I know it can), once I try to do it myself I end up looking like the bride of Frankenstein. Beneath my sink is a graveyard of attempted and failed beauty equipment....curlers, rollers, hair dryers, curling irons... My latest attempt is a flat iron. I picked one up after standing in the aisle pondering for almost an hour. (I felt security closing a perimeter because surely anyone standing there that long is up to something) I finally pick one... I get home. Sure enough, it straightens hair (I want to straighten it now that it's permed and curly- when it was straight I wanted it curly- I know, shut up, just shoot me).
Then for hours I stand there becoming more and more frustrated because the damn thing won't curl my hair. Now if any men are reading this they are probably thinking, "yeah, dumbass cause why would a flat iron curl?" But they do! I have seen it done! I have even seen it done on my own hair!!! Can I do it? F&*(&*&^^*&* NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
So tonight my good friend JaNae gives me her old Chi (which I'm informed is the Rolls Royce of hair styling products and I believe that cause it costs way more than anything I'm gonna purchase to lie dead under my sink in a month) Anyway, she explains the concept of how to make the flat iron do a curl... sounds good in theory... I get home (and no, there will be no pics) I now have an occasional wisp and third degree burns. The rest of my hair is board straight and standing up all over the place. That must be caused by follicle memory from those days in the 90's when big hair was in and I lived in Wyoming. I know I was once talented, because anyone is who can get hair to stay big all day in that wind (thank you Aqua Net, sorry ozone layer), but I digress....
So I have come to the conclusion that hairdressers (Danielle) are liars. I cannot do this cute crap to my hair. You know why?!?!??! I DIDN'T GO TO FREAKING BEAUTY SCHOOL!!!!! I should stop paying Danielle to do things to my hair and instead pay her to teach ME to do things to my hair.
All I can say is that I was trying to do something super cute and fun for my trip to see Steve. I have to at this point be very thankful that the man knows I'm only slightly girlie, and extremely nutty and he doesn't care. Let's hope he likes scary things cause in the morning I wake up looking like a heroin/meth addict/cokehead coming to after a bad LSD trip. Sigh...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Where to begin....
So recently I've been told by several people of the social work/probation/psychology arena that I may possibly be in need of Anger Management counseling. I think I just need a better place to vent. Maybe if I air my frustrations it will release pent up anger and I won't be on the front page of the paper for assaulting a Wal-Mart Greeter (true story and no it wasn't me).
So feel free to read this or not. I'm making myself self important by assuming you want to read my rantings. Do or don't. I don't care. Comment away, however, know this- I will not ever see the error of my ways and enlightening me with your differing opinion and shooting holes in my arguments will do nothing but piss me off...especially if it involves liberal agenda. I tried being a liberal for years, ask my best friend Tina. It doesn't work for me. I still don't make enough money to be a Republican, but since I work to earn my own living instead of mooching off your hard earned tax dollars I cannot be anything else. Plus, I like my gun. I need to purchase more and Democrats whine about guns.
I was once told Denis Leary was truly my soulmate and I should marry him. I love his rantings. So one day I picked up his book, "Why We Suck." Painful in more ways than one...the biggest being my former idol is in reality a flaming liberal douchebag. I now love only Ted Nugent and Steve who may as well be Ted Nugent. I have about a million pet peeves and I'm not sure if I should start listing them today or save them for future posts.
Right now my biggest peeve would be the people running the company for which I work. They don't care to hear my opinions (the common sense solutions) because they all clearly graduated from the Enron School of Business Management. Lowly me only holds a Master's Degree, so I'm clearly not qualified to insinuate that setting impossible goals and taking away all incentives to perform might possibly lead to low morale and an inclination to perform at a less than optimum level. Unfortunately for me, I suffer from a strong work ethic and competitive nature which won't allow me to slack at my job. Not to mention I love the Judges and courts I work for and will continue to work hard for them. Also, I'm not letting probationers off easy cause they piss me off and I'm here to try and make them not be idiots because I'm a contentious bitch.
So I guess that's it. I suppose in the future the quality of my day will be able to be determined based on the amount of posts made. In closing, my biggest pet peeve is calling me, knowing you are going to ask for a phone number, then telling me to wait while you find a pen. If you do this, I will say, "great, call me back when you find one," and hang up on your dumb ___. So there is big peeve #1. More to come....
So feel free to read this or not. I'm making myself self important by assuming you want to read my rantings. Do or don't. I don't care. Comment away, however, know this- I will not ever see the error of my ways and enlightening me with your differing opinion and shooting holes in my arguments will do nothing but piss me off...especially if it involves liberal agenda. I tried being a liberal for years, ask my best friend Tina. It doesn't work for me. I still don't make enough money to be a Republican, but since I work to earn my own living instead of mooching off your hard earned tax dollars I cannot be anything else. Plus, I like my gun. I need to purchase more and Democrats whine about guns.
I was once told Denis Leary was truly my soulmate and I should marry him. I love his rantings. So one day I picked up his book, "Why We Suck." Painful in more ways than one...the biggest being my former idol is in reality a flaming liberal douchebag. I now love only Ted Nugent and Steve who may as well be Ted Nugent. I have about a million pet peeves and I'm not sure if I should start listing them today or save them for future posts.
Right now my biggest peeve would be the people running the company for which I work. They don't care to hear my opinions (the common sense solutions) because they all clearly graduated from the Enron School of Business Management. Lowly me only holds a Master's Degree, so I'm clearly not qualified to insinuate that setting impossible goals and taking away all incentives to perform might possibly lead to low morale and an inclination to perform at a less than optimum level. Unfortunately for me, I suffer from a strong work ethic and competitive nature which won't allow me to slack at my job. Not to mention I love the Judges and courts I work for and will continue to work hard for them. Also, I'm not letting probationers off easy cause they piss me off and I'm here to try and make them not be idiots because I'm a contentious bitch.
So I guess that's it. I suppose in the future the quality of my day will be able to be determined based on the amount of posts made. In closing, my biggest pet peeve is calling me, knowing you are going to ask for a phone number, then telling me to wait while you find a pen. If you do this, I will say, "great, call me back when you find one," and hang up on your dumb ___. So there is big peeve #1. More to come....
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