Beauticians that lie- yes you, Danielle!!!

I always fall for someone telling me they can (pick one) cut, style, perm my hair and it will turn out soooooooo cute. I proceed with whatever advice/suggestion given to me. That person (Danielle) then does my hair super freaking cute... I love it... then I get home....go to bed.... wake up.... shower, then disaster.

I will never, never, never, never, never do my hair right!!!! No matter how cute she says it can be done (and I know it can), once I try to do it myself I end up looking like the bride of Frankenstein. Beneath my sink is a graveyard of attempted and failed beauty equipment....curlers, rollers, hair dryers, curling irons... My latest attempt is a flat iron. I picked one up after standing in the aisle pondering for almost an hour. (I felt security closing a perimeter because surely anyone standing there that long is up to something) I finally pick one... I get home. Sure enough, it straightens hair (I want to straighten it now that it's permed and curly- when it was straight I wanted it curly- I know, shut up, just shoot me).

Then for hours I stand there becoming more and more frustrated because the damn thing won't curl my hair. Now if any men are reading this they are probably thinking, "yeah, dumbass cause why would a flat iron curl?" But they do! I have seen it done! I have even seen it done on my own hair!!! Can I do it? F&*(&*&^^*&* NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

So tonight my good friend JaNae gives me her old Chi (which I'm informed is the Rolls Royce of hair styling products and I believe that cause it costs way more than anything I'm gonna purchase to lie dead under my sink in a month) Anyway, she explains the concept of how to make the flat iron do a curl... sounds good in theory... I get home (and no, there will be no pics) I now have an occasional wisp and third degree burns. The rest of my hair is board straight and standing up all over the place. That must be caused by follicle memory from those days in the 90's when big hair was in and I lived in Wyoming. I know I was once talented, because anyone is who can get hair to stay big all day in that wind (thank you Aqua Net, sorry ozone layer), but I digress....

So I have come to the conclusion that hairdressers (Danielle) are liars. I cannot do this cute crap to my hair. You know why?!?!??! I DIDN'T GO TO FREAKING BEAUTY SCHOOL!!!!! I should stop paying Danielle to do things to my hair and instead pay her to teach ME to do things to my hair.

All I can say is that I was trying to do something super cute and fun for my trip to see Steve. I have to at this point be very thankful that the man knows I'm only slightly girlie, and extremely nutty and he doesn't care. Let's hope he likes scary things cause in the morning I wake up looking like a heroin/meth addict/cokehead coming to after a bad LSD trip. Sigh...